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15 July 2008 @ 10:06 pm
__justaday . A Coffee Mistake . R  
Title: A Coffee Mistake
Author: __justaday
Challenge: Mistakes
Rating: R – for suggestiveness...?
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Bit of crack
Disclaimer: All the RTD's creation. Not mine!
Summary: There’s a mistake with Jack’s coffee. We can’t have that now can we?

“Ianto, is everything ok?” Jack said as Ianto entered his office.

“Yes thanks.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.Why?”

“It’s just, well, it’s just...”


“Well, how to put it...”

“Just tell me Jack.”

“Your coffee is awful Ianto.”


“It’s really awful.”

“No, take that back Jack.”

“Ianto, try it. Try it.”

Ianto grabbed the mug from Jack’s hand with a scowl on his face. He lifted the mug to his lips, and took a sip... and couldn’t hide the disgust on his face.

“That’s not my coffee.”

“You gave it to me.”

“I did not make that Jack.”

“Well then who did?”

“I don’t know. But that is not my coffee.”

Jack watched as Ianto ran out to his kitchenette. He threw open the cupboards, and started searching through his jars, tubs, packets, anything that might give him a clue as to what might have made his precious coffee go so wrong.

After half an hour of searching the cupboards, Ianto started pulling apart the coffee machine.

“You need to calm down.” Jack said as he stepped up to Ianto and rubbed his shoulders.

“What I need is to find out what the hell happened to my coffee.”

Jack sighed and resigned to leaving him to his coffee machine, knowing that he wouldn’t give up that easily.


Jack looked at the clock. 6.05pm.

“Ianto. You really need to stop fretting. It’s been 3 hours.”

“I can’t find out what went wrong.”

Jack picked up the awful coffee mug from his desk and walked over to Ianto. The coffee machine was in too many bits to count, and coffee beans were everywhere. Over the floor, the counter, in the sink...

Ianto sunk to the floor, and rested his back on the counter, his head in his hands.

“Don’t worry about it Ianto. I’m sure it was just a mistake.”

“But I never make mistakes.”

“Ianto, it happens occasionally.”

“No it doesn’t Jack. Not to me.”

Jack sighed and rested his hand gently on Ianto’s head for a moment. “It’s ok Ianto.” Jack stepped back and emptied the mug of distasteful coffee into the sink.


“What, was that?”

“Um, nothing. Nothing.” Jack’s voice raised an octave. He was still standing watching over the sink.

“Then, what was that noise?”


Ianto yanked himself up and stared into the sink. “What was THAT doing in your coffee?” Ianto said sternly and looked up at Jack. “I did not put that in your coffee.”

“Um, no I don’t suppose you would, would you?” Jack’s cheeks lit a shade of pink, and Ianto, despite it, smiled. It was on very a rare occasion that Jack would get embarrassed.

“So, when exactly did this happen?”

“It was when you uh, you were sucking on your pen.” Jack’s blushes grew a few shades darker. “It was the way you were twiddling it and sucking it.”

“So you had some fun without me? And that fun went into your coffee without you noticing?”

Jack’s hand raised to his face as he tried to cover up his mistake and muttered “Oh my god” a few times, while Ianto despite the mess, laughed.

“You’re not mad at me?” Jack said through baited breath.

“I’m mad you ever thought my coffee would be bad! But, I think you’ve just about had enough punishment.” Ianto’s right eyebrow rose.

“Just about?”

“Yes, just about. I’ll need to give you the rest of your punishment away from the kitchen.”

Jack’s embarrassment flooded from his cheeks at Ianto’s words, and his eyes quickly filled with a dark lust. “Oh yes. I must be punished.”

“Indeed. Follow me.” Ianto led Jack with a wry smile towards his office and once the door shut with a click he dove on Jack and pinned him to desk, thoroughly intent on ‘punishing’ him.


Thank you to zen_raven for a much better onomatopoeia!
☆ Itoshi ☆: BWAHA!!itoshii_chan on July 15th, 2008 09:25 pm (UTC)
*points to her icon*
__justaday__justaday on July 15th, 2008 10:58 pm (UTC)
hehe thank you! :p
pizza queen: Doctor LOLace_of_spades6 on July 15th, 2008 09:27 pm (UTC)

And yeah I think coffee doesn't make any sound when you pour it in the sink, not sure about the other stuff, but I am sure about coffee XD
__justaday__justaday on July 15th, 2008 11:00 pm (UTC)
haha! I am strangley inclined to test this one out with the b/f. I won't. But... I really feel I should give a factual reporting... hehe. :p
nightporters on July 15th, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
Shlurp away! Very very funny.
__justaday__justaday on July 15th, 2008 11:00 pm (UTC)
lol thank you! :)
I say we draw a mustache on him...tintop_lizzy on July 15th, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC)
At least it wasn't decaff...
__justaday__justaday on July 15th, 2008 11:00 pm (UTC)
Ianto shudders at decaf! :)
Ravenzen_raven on July 15th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
I'd think it's technically more of a "splup" (said additive of such a consistency hitting the sink basin), as a shlurp implies suction to me, which would require a scary amount of... material...exiting a coffee-mug-sized container.

But that's just me. (And yes, I should be working right now!) Cute fic!
__justaday__justaday on July 15th, 2008 10:58 pm (UTC)
hehe thank you! You have credit within now :D A much better sound for that escaping from the coffee mug. hehe Hope you get your work done!
sanginmychainssanginmychains on July 15th, 2008 10:24 pm (UTC)
__justaday__justaday on July 15th, 2008 11:01 pm (UTC)
lol I'm so sure Jack's done worse. :p
(Deleted comment)
__justaday__justaday on July 16th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
haha! Aw glad you liked! :p
missthingsplacemissthingsplace on July 16th, 2008 06:53 am (UTC)
OMG! That was brilliant!
__justaday__justaday on July 16th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
aphroditeskyaphroditesky on July 16th, 2008 08:33 am (UTC)
Nice! :-D

I think I know why I have my tea black ;-)
__justaday__justaday on July 16th, 2008 10:26 pm (UTC)
ahahah! No mistakes creeping into your tea then eh? :p Thanks!
Queerlyqueerlyobscure on July 16th, 2008 10:57 am (UTC)
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha *continues to laugh hysterically*

This is the kind of thing that would only happen to Jack

And about the sound of the coffee - my sink always makes a kind of slurp noise wheh you pour anything down it, but that may be one of those southern hemisphere things, or that I have a dodgy sink (both are quite possible, if not likely) - only in this fandom could this be a legitimate line of discussion :D
__justaday__justaday on July 16th, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC)
Heehee!! Glad you liked. The amount things that be be discussed and still be taken seriously in here are endless, and can be completely absurd and yet still so entertaining and fascinating! My sink is a bit blocked at the moment.. ugh I dread to think what the boys have been putting down there.... !! :p
thrace_adams: Jack Glassesthrace_adams on July 16th, 2008 02:18 pm (UTC)
Oh this was just too brilliant! Brought a huge smile to my face :)
__justaday__justaday on July 16th, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC)
hehe aww so glad I brought smiles! Thank you :)
temporal_witchtemporal_witch on July 17th, 2008 06:32 am (UTC)
LOL! ONLY Jack could get so caught up in his own, uh, 'self-dabbling' that he'd forget to watch what he was doing! Would love a graphic with the look on his face when he first realized the coffee was a bit 'off'!
__justaday__justaday on July 17th, 2008 09:08 pm (UTC)
Haha I know right?! A shot of him looking down into the sink. :p Glad you like!! Thank you :)
She walks with Heaven beneath her feet: Chase is Busycestlavenus on August 5th, 2008 08:08 am (UTC)
"Oh. OH. So THAT'S where that went."

God, I wish I could draw. single dramatic tear

She walks with Heaven beneath her feet: Pretty Shiny Jessecestlavenus on August 5th, 2008 08:26 am (UTC)
I suppose that I should explain this joke, since I'm well aware that many things seem to be funny... pretty much to me alone. :p

So Jack is jacking off (hee... "jacking off"), and afterwards realizes that there's no visable... evidence. He is perplexed, but nonplussed. He's JACK after all, and stranger things have undoubtedly happened. Dirty Sexy Things That...

Ok, I'm back. So he basically forgets all about it until the sink incident, during which he's very blase about the whole thing. I can just see him standing there, going "huh, well that solves that mystery." And then he remembers that his non-51st century, coffee-holding-sacred boyfriend is standing RIGHT THERE, and has a middling-to-severe freak out. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how this scene plays out in my head. :p

Btw, it's the mark of a TRULY great writer when one expands upon what was written in their head. I was seriously impressed with this fic, the hilarity notwithstanding. Bravo my friend. <3
__justaday__justaday on August 6th, 2008 08:56 am (UTC)
Aww thank you so much!! And yes - that look of abject horror from Ianto. I so need to find that picture!! I love imagining the different looks Ianto could have given at that precise moment! Thank you :D
__justaday__justaday on August 6th, 2008 08:57 am (UTC)
OH also - I LOVE your icon. <33
__justaday__justaday on August 6th, 2008 08:41 am (UTC)
Haha I am going o have to know find a picture of Ianto wih the colour draining from his face and try to put that tear on it lol!!
(Deleted comment)
__justaday__justaday on July 17th, 2008 09:09 pm (UTC)
hehe aww thank you! :D
KB: Jantopsyko_kittie on July 18th, 2008 05:21 am (UTC)
__justaday__justaday on July 18th, 2008 07:00 pm (UTC)
thank you! :)
em615em615 on July 22nd, 2008 06:57 pm (UTC)
*snorts* And he made Ianto drink it, too! I'm sure it's not a first. Very cute!
__justaday__justaday on July 22nd, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
hehe oh yeah, Jack's a 51st Century guy - you just gotta believe there's more he can come up with! :p Thank you!
She walks with Heaven beneath her feet: Mulder and Krycekcestlavenus on August 5th, 2008 08:06 am (UTC)
Hooray, I have a new OT3!! (Ianto x Jack x DirtySexyCoffee)

I love that Ianto is HORRIFIED that something has gone wrong with his coffee. Too adorable!

Now I have pictures in my head of the base being attacked by aliens, and Ianto standing in front of the coffee machine with a huge-ass gun in each hand, FIGHTING TO THE DEATH. This will undoubtedly provide me with entertainment for days. :p
__justaday__justaday on August 6th, 2008 08:30 am (UTC)
Haha protect the coffee!! lol Thank you :D Glad you enjoyed!!
Christina: b/c naked hide and seekjedistardust on October 7th, 2008 02:47 am (UTC)
HAHAHA poor Ianto fretting all day!

lol fantastic. :)
__justaday__justaday on October 7th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC)
Haha thank you! :p
jantoforever21jantoforever21 on September 30th, 2009 04:43 am (UTC)
Somehow I knew that would be the problem even before I clicked the link to this fic. Naughty, naughty, Jack. You must be punished.